


emotion novocain

by hypegirl (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, M/M, Memories, Sadness, i’m not proud of this, i’m sensitive don’t mind me, referenced past nomin, referenced renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 20:04:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20981597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/hypegirl
Summary: Jeno will do anything to help his best friend.Even if it means reliving all those memories.And breaking all over again.





	emotion novocain

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys!! thank you so much for clicking on this- i usually like to recommend a song so i suggest broken hearts club by gnash for this fic. and yes i wrote this because i’m procrastinating on Undaunted i’m sorry for anyone who was actually invested in that i’ll update soon i promise. huhu didn’t proofread or anything- we die like men- i hope y’all enjoy!!!

Jeno rolled over, eyes straining towards the only source of light in the room.

The red numbers were glowing in the dark, reading, 2:14 AM. 

Jeno supposed it was alright, considering his sleep schedule was already irregular enough, and he didn’t have any morning classes the next day. 

A shifting noise from the bunk above him interrupted his thoughts.

That was weird. Renjun usually slept like a log.

Turning onto his back to face the bottom of the bunk, Jeno muttered “Renjun?”

He was not answered by his friend’s voice, but a louder shifting noise. 

“Renjunnie?” He called again, slightly louder but not as loud as to startle the boy if he was, indeed, sleeping. “What’s wrong?” 

Renjun hummed from above, alerting Jeno that he was awake. 

The boy on the lower bunk sighed. “What are you doing up? It’s late.”

“Could say the same to you.” Came the reply. 

Jeno said nothing, as Renjun seemed to be deep in thought. 

A few minutes later, Renjun’s soft voice came drifting down again. 

“You know, I believe I’ve caught feelings.”

Jeno darted upright so quickly he nearly hit his head. Huang Renjun, catching feelings? 

He hid his excitement quickly, as Renjun sounded a bit too remorseful. 

“Really?” 

Renjun clambered down the ladder, searing himself next to Jeno and blowing brown hair exasperatedly out of his face. 

“I hate it.”

Jeno snorted at this. He’d been in love once. 

It was stupid. 

“Please, elaborate.” 

Renjun pouted. “It’s so weird. I was, like, 100% sure I hated his smug ass. I’ve hated his smug ass since the third grade! That’s...” He paused to count on his fingers. “Nine years! Nearly ten!” 

“Mhm.” Jeno looked unsurprised. After all, he had been blessed with a misanthrope as a best friend. 

“But now...” Even in the dark, Renjun’s eyes appeared misty and pensive. “I dunno. There are just these moments where I feel like... He’s... I dunno.”

“Well, that pretty much sums it up.” Grinned Jeno, receiving a slap.

“I know it’s a lot to ask.. But I need advice. I mean, if he’s a shitty human being, I won’t fall in love with him.” 

Jeno laughed. “That’s not how it works. Plus, you probably have known him longer than I have.” 

“Yeah, but you know him better.”

Ooh, spicy. “One of our friends?” 

“Not really.”

“Renjun, you mustn’t leave me in suspense like this-“ 

“Fine. But you have to promise not to be mad.”

“Why would I be mad..?”

Renjun’s voice was barely a whisper, laced with pure distaste. 

“I’m afraid I might like Na Jaemin.”

And boom, Jeno was transported. 

It was as though he was running through a hallway, a series of memories, some painful, some happy, being projected on the walls. 

Keep running. Keep running. 

When he blinked and opened his eyes, it was pitch black. 

So dark that Jeno could barely see his own hand in front of him. 

He considered calling out “hello?” but no sound came out. 

Until the flip of a switch sounded in the distance, and Jeno was illuminated in a stream of golden light from above. 

He directed his gaze downwards, to the wood floor painted black, like a... stage?

Maybe it was foolish, but Jeno stomped gently once to make sure he wouldn’t fall through. He didn’t. 

Looking up, he saw a microphone, already adjusted to his height, bathed in the spotlight. 

Jeno unconsciously shook his head once, feeling hair falling into his eyes, long and dark, like it was... in... May? 

Now, he was used to his blonde undercut. He felt younger this way. 

Glancing downwards, he noticed he was wearing a bright green sweatshirt. 

“Athena.” It said, simply, in Greek script. 

He could hear Jaemin’s voice. “Here, you’re smart, you can have it.” 

He’d been too shy to accept it.

Why was Jeno here again? 

Oh right. Renjun. Jeno hoped that Renjun knew that he had asked for a Rant, with a capital R- one of the many that he had despised in the past. 

Clearing his throat, still adjusting to his 17- again self, Jeno began. 

He had no idea where to, but... This was what he was willing to do.

For Renjun’s sake. 

“Na Jaemin is... ordinary. And yet, there’s something different about him. He’s like the protagonist in cheesy high school rom-coms, the type who is valedictorian, captain of some sports-ball team, and will most probably get laid every night.”

Jeno paused to cringe outwardly. 

“It’s annoying. He’s annoyingly perfect. The thing about him is he makes friends super easily. You just have to be in some of his classes and suddenly you’re overwhelmed by him. It’s like the whole world is his stage, and he has one hell of a stage presence.” 

Doing this for Renjun, he reminded himself. 

“He’ll make you feel special, whether he realizes it or not. He acts in a way that makes you feel like you’re the only one he’s treating like this. 

“The reality is, you’re probably not. But how are you supposed to know?”

Hearing no reply and honestly feeling quite foolish, Jeno tapped the mic and looked around nervously, but of course, all he could see was the darkness, save for the circle in which he was standing. 

“Jaemin’s also wicked smart.” He subconsciously lowered his voice. “I remember he had a shirt or something that said that, but I really only remembered after saying that- aNyways.”

“It may be annoying how academically perfect he is, but I know that I was personally torn between being in constant awe of him and wanting to wipe the smug ass grin off his face 24/7.” 

Jeno laughed humorlessly, still feeling like an idiot. 

“Next, he’s attractive. Everything about him is attractive. Think about it. Jaemin has perfect fucking eyes, the perfect smile, a cute laugh, tall.. Find one physical flaw.” He called out to the darkness. “I’ll wait.” 

Upon hearing no reply, Jeno continued, the feelings pouring out like word vomit. 

“He has a great sense of humor. I remember how much we used to laugh about absolutely nothing, nearly crying with laughter after fighting over a fucking book, screaming whenever...” 

Jeno trailed off, blushing. This wasn’t about him, he reminded himself.

But he couldn’t help but be reminded of every moment they’d shared, every stolen glance, every slight intentional brush that made Jeno believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a ghost of a relationship there. 

“The lengths I go to help you, Renjun.” He murmured to no one in particular, using a softly teasing tone. 

He quickly pushed away the memories bubbling to the surface, like warm blood from a re-opened wound. 

“Sorry, I got sidetracked. What was I saying? Right. 

“He has a great sense of humor, is understanding, and will help you even if you don’t ask him.

“I can’t find a single thing wrong with Na Jaemin.”

Jeno paused again, swallowing the lump that had appeared in his throat. 

“Other than the fact that he breaks everyone’s heart.” 

He stared off into the distance, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, but feeling someone’s presence. 

A strange warmth flooded him, comfortable, until he felt himself slowly suffocating.

Of course, it was all in his head.

So, Jeno simply smiled to himself, brushing his dark hair out of his eyes and adjusting the microphone on it’s stand.

He turned and walked out of the circle of light, allowing the darkness to envelop him, the only sound his footsteps against the stage.

When Jeno blinked and opened his eyes again, Renjun was leaning gently against him, eyes wet with tears. 

“I don’t know what to do.” He breathed. 

“Shh.” Jeno replied, stroking his roommate’s hair in a comforting manner. “It’ll be ok.” 

It would most definitely not be ok. Jeno blinked, but the supercut being projected against his pupils would not stop.

Jaemin grabbing his hand.

Walking him to the nearby diner, racing through the woods. 

Hanging around the school after hours. 

Being told they fought like a married couple. 

Tackling each other on the floor over and over, a new argument every day, always more trivial than the last. 

Jaemin picking up Jeno’s chair and just walking around with him.

Blinking again, he saw nothing but darkness. 

Blissful darkness.

“It’ll be ok.” He murmured again, wrapping an arm around a shaking Renjun. “It’ll all be ok.”

Jeno had been in love once. 

It hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> hey, thank you so much for reading! this is kinda based on true events.. and i did write that whole monologue about someone irl lmao what  
so yeah i was all like “let’s just take them feelings cuz lord knows i have a shit ton of em and make a fic huhuhuhuh”  
thanks for reading!!! it means a lot to me! also since you’ve already read this, please read “The Truth Untold”, iuwui’s even-more-heartbreaking companion fic. That is, if you’re not like dead inside right now~


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